For years, I have claimed I was going to write a book entitled You Notice Me; Therefore I Am. I suppose the idea could be stretched into a small book if I wanted to chronicle examples in minute detail. However, at this point in time, a blog post seems adequate.
I am continually amazed at the things people do in order to be noticed. It appears that they are seeking attention in order to affirm their existence. Those actions range from the mundane to the absurd.
Where did this tendency come from? It appears to be an evolutionary phenomenon. Many male birds display elaborate plumage or intricate rituals in order to attract a mate. If you want a great source of entertainment, Google the mating dance of the sandhill crane. Some bird species are not as artistic and simply build elaborate nests to lure a potential companion to them.
The males of many species find ways to demonstrate their physical prowess. The videos are innumerable depicting animals engaged in mortal combat with the intent to establish their right to reproduce. Although violent, it assures the genetic survival of the fittest combatants.
We humans are not much different. The aftermath of warfare has often included the widespread rape of unfortunate females in the immediate area no matter the age. Think of medieval jousts. Is there any doubt about the underlying sexual implications associated with the events? The women were attired in ways to attract the attention of the participants, and the men were competing in order to demonstrate their worthiness for generating offspring. Today, this pageant is repeated annually on high school and collegian gridirons all over our nation every fall.
Humans are far more complicated than animals, so our desire for attention is not always sexual. I once heard of a guy who shopped around until he could find a surgeon who was willing to implant threaded sockets into his skull. Why would someone do this? Apparently he had an assortment of horns, alien antennas and other weird protrusions that he wanted to be able to screw into his head. It was certainly a unique idea, but I can’t imagine any motivation to do so other than a desire to have people marvel. At how unusual he was.
Isn’t this the underlying reason for much that we do? We work hard to earn money to pay for things that others will admire. Our homes, cars, clothing, jewelry, shoes, tattoos, body piercings, fancy fingernails and so much more are often selected with a thought to how others will react to our possessions and/or appearance. We tend to be careful not to combine clashing colors or patterns for fear that we will be ridiculed and hope that our choices will generate the occasional ooo or ahhhh.
Gossip has played an important role in human development. In hunter-gatherer groups it helped to identify thieves, the lazy, liars and those who were undependable. It still plays a role in communicating pertinent information. However, for some, it serves as a means of seeming important. They can’t wait to obtain the latest bit of juicy gossip to share with everyone they know.
How many of our actions are motivated by a desire to draw the attention of others? We exaggerate or boast about our abilities and/or accomplishments, engage in sexually provocative behaviors or participate in life threatening antics all with an eye towards a potential audience. With the advent of the internet, our attention-seeking efforts seem endless because they can now be displayed before the entire world.
With this awareness, I regularly question my motivation for things that I do and say. I am at an age when I really don’t buy much. So, I typically catch myself saying things in an effort to trigger a response. I have been blessed with good genes and am fairly healthy and look younger than my age. When I tell people that I am 75 years old, sometimes I do so to merely convey information, but more often it is to hear them express unbelief at how good I look for my age. I hate to admit it, but it is true.
There is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying the admiration and attention of others. However, it becomes a problem when it negatively impacts our lives or those around us.. Are we spending our money unwisely? Do we impose ourselves on others or become resentful if we are not the center of attention? Do we ridicule or slander others in order to make ourselves seem more important? We simply need to be mindful of our behavior and avoid becoming toxic in our effort to be noticed.
I think the secret is working on our personal confidence. The challenge is finding those activities that promote self affirmation. This may include improving our physical wellbeing through exercise and diet. We may need to spend time in prayer, meditation, reading inspirational material or listening to tranquil uplifting music. If needed, we may find it helpful to seek professional mental health services. In short, if we are ‘comfortable in our own skin’, then there is little need for the admiration of others.
