Look At Me!

For years, I have claimed I was going to write a book entitled You Notice Me; Therefore I Am.  I suppose the idea could be stretched into a small book if  I wanted to chronicle examples in minute detail.  However, at this point in time, a blog post seems adequate.

I am continually amazed at the things people do in order to be noticed.  It appears that they are seeking attention in order to affirm their existence.  Those actions range from the mundane to the absurd.

Where did this tendency come from?  It appears to be an evolutionary phenomenon.  Many male birds display elaborate plumage or intricate rituals in order to attract a mate.  If you want a great source of entertainment, Google the mating dance of the sandhill crane.  Some bird species are not as artistic and simply build elaborate nests to lure a potential companion to them.

The males of many  species find ways to demonstrate their physical prowess.  The videos are innumerable depicting animals engaged in mortal combat with the intent to establish their right to reproduce.  Although violent, it assures the genetic survival of the fittest combatants.

We humans are not much different.  The aftermath of warfare has often included the widespread rape of unfortunate females in the immediate area no matter the age.  Think of medieval jousts.  Is there any doubt about the underlying sexual implications associated with the events? The women were attired in ways to attract the attention of the participants, and the men were competing in order to demonstrate their worthiness for generating offspring.  Today, this pageant is repeated annually on high school and collegian gridirons all over our nation every fall.

 

Humans are far more complicated than animals, so our desire for attention is not always sexual.  I once heard of a guy who shopped around until he could find a surgeon who was willing to implant threaded sockets into his skull.  Why would someone do this?  Apparently he had an assortment of horns, alien antennas and other weird protrusions that he wanted to be able to screw into his head. It was certainly a unique idea, but I can’t imagine any motivation to do so other than a desire to have people marvel. At how unusual he was.

Isn’t this the underlying reason for much that we do?  We work hard to earn money to pay for things that others will admire.  Our homes, cars, clothing, jewelry, shoes, tattoos, body piercings,  fancy fingernails and so much more are often selected with a thought to how others will react to our possessions and/or appearance.  We tend to be careful not to combine clashing colors or patterns for fear that we will be ridiculed and hope that our choices will generate the occasional ooo or ahhhh.

Gossip has played an important role in human development.  In hunter-gatherer groups it helped to identify thieves, the lazy, liars and those who were undependable.  It still plays a role in communicating pertinent information.  However, for some, it serves as a means of seeming important.  They can’t wait to obtain the latest bit of juicy gossip to share with everyone they know.  

How many of our actions are motivated by a desire to draw the attention of others?  We exaggerate or  boast about our abilities and/or accomplishments, engage in sexually provocative behaviors or participate in life threatening antics all with an eye towards a potential audience. With the advent of the internet, our attention-seeking efforts seem endless  because they can now be displayed before  the entire world.

With this awareness, I regularly question my motivation for things that I do and say.  I am at an age when I really don’t buy much.  So, I typically catch myself saying things in an effort to trigger a response.  I have been blessed with good genes and am fairly healthy and look  younger than my age.  When I tell people that I am 75 years old, sometimes I do so to merely convey information, but more often it is to hear them express unbelief at how good I look for my age.  I hate to admit it, but it is true.

 There is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying the admiration and attention of others.  However, it becomes a problem when it negatively impacts our lives or those around us..  Are we spending our money unwisely?  Do we impose ourselves on others or become resentful if we are not the center of attention?  Do we ridicule or slander others in order to make ourselves seem more important?  We simply need to be mindful of our behavior and avoid becoming toxic in our effort to be noticed.

I think the secret is working on our personal confidence.   The challenge is finding those activities that promote self affirmation.  This may include improving our physical wellbeing through exercise and diet.  We may need to spend time in prayer, meditation, reading inspirational material or listening to tranquil uplifting music.  If needed, we may find it helpful to seek professional mental health services.  In short, if we are ‘comfortable in our own skin’, then there is little need for the admiration of others. 

What Are You Thinking?

I suspect that it would be almost impossible to count all of the books that have been written about philosophy, self improvement, religion or success in life.  People have a deep desire to know the secret of reaching their highest potential financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially and every other aspect of their lives.  Undoubtedly, billions of dollars are spent annually in search of the holy grail.  

Well, breathe easy.  You can get the answer for less than $10.00.  It is a small book published in 1903 by James Allen entitled As a Man Thinketh.  The title is a reference to Proverbs 23:7, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

Normally I don’t include extensive quotes; however, in this post I don’t think I can add much to what Allen presents.  So, here is the essence of life.

“Man is made or unmade by himself.  In the armory of thought he forges the weapon by which he destroys himself.  He also fashions the tools with which he builds himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace.  By the right choice of and true application of thought, man ascends to the divine perfection.  By the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast.  Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master.”

“A man’s mind may be likened to a garden which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild.  But, whether cultivated or neglected, it will bring forth.  If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of weed seeds will fall  therein and will continue to produce their kind.  Just as a gardener cultivates his plot keeping it free from weeds and growing flowers and fruits he requires, so may a man attend the garden of his mind, weeding out all  the wrong, useless and impure thoughts  and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful and pure thoughts.  By pursuing this process, a man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life.  He also reveals within himself the laws of thought and understands with ever increasing accuracy how the  thought forces and mind elements operate in the shaping of his character, circumstances and destiny.”

Once again, we encounter the truth of that fundamental Socratic admonition, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”  What we read, watch, listen to, discuss or think about all contribute to the direction and quality of  our lifelong journey. In Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, author Daniel Amen, a research psychologist, expands on this principle and offers strategies for directing our internal dialogue.  What awaits us is the life-altering realization that we hold the key to much of our future in our ability to mindfully choose how we think and what we think about.

 

  

Never Forget Greenwood

In the early 20th century, the Greenwood freedom district in the suburbs of Tulsa, Oklahoma, was developed into a prosperous area consisting of black professionals, businessmen, community leaders, and educators.  The population was about 10,000 and was so financially vibrant that it was referred to as America’s Black Wall Street.

Until the night of May 31st, 1921, it could have served as a national model for black social advancement, cultural development, and self-reliance.  Instead, that evening a white mob, many of whom had been deputized by the police, invaded the neighborhoods looting and burning the buildings and murdering the residents. They even used airplanes to drop dynamite and incendiary bombs.  By the morning, the residents were either dead or driven away and 35 square blocks of the community were completely destroyed, including houses, businesses, churches, hotels, newspaper offices,  a hospital, public library, and much more. 

The injustice was unconscionable.  It is believed that as many as 300 people were killed, over 1,000 injured and an additional 10,000 were left homeless.  Survivors who were unable to escape were arrested and herded into internment camps.  Bodies were callously thrown into rivers and unmarked or mass graves.  Despite the magnitude of this race massacre, no white perpetrator was ever prosecuted.

The primary motivation for this atrocity is generally attributed to white supremacists’ unwillingness to witness African Americans thriving.  For decades, officials in Tulsa denied that this incident ever occurred.  It took seventy years for the city to acknowledge that a previous administration had engaged in  government-sponsored genocide. 

As deeply troubling as this incident is, the fact that current government leaders want to obstruct the teaching of racial atrocities committed in the United States is deeply disturbing.  It has been said that those who forget history are condemned to repeat it.  With the upsurge of white supremacy  in our current society, we are once again witnessing a renewed suppression of minorities.  We can only hope that we will  never see another Greenwood type devastation in our nation again, but true racial equality remains an elusive aspiration for all who genuinely cherish justice.

This has been one of the hardest posts to write.  I generally try to stay away from political commentary, but this story is so compelling that I have found it impossible to ignore.  I would encourage anyone who is willing to expand their knowledge of racial relations to research this further. I can recommend Don’t Let Them Bury My Story written by Viola Fletcher, the oldest living survivor of the Greenwood race massacre.  Also, Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents, by Isabel Wilkerson, details this incident and provides an extensive chronicle of the systematic suppression of African Americans in our nation.

  

Can't Is A 4-letter Word

As I began to compose this post, I wondered if younger readers would be familiar  with this expression.  So, I conducted a brief survey among a few young coworkers, and, as I suspected, they had never heard the term ‘four letter words’.  In our current society with the ubiquitous prevalence of the F-bomb, I was not surprised.

For those who may not know what I am referring to, I will explain. Years ago, it was not socially acceptable for people to use profanity in public.  Men were encouraged to be gentlemen and refrain from cussing in the presence of women.  The prohibited words were collectively referred to as 4-letter words because most of them are in fact four letters in length.  I realize that this propriety may seem quaint and outdated, but there was a time in our nation when people were respectful of the sensibilities of others.  It wasn’t considered being politically correct.  It was simply known as common courtesy.

So, I would like to add “can’t” to that list of words that should not be spoken.  Why?  Because that little word prevents us from reaching our highest potential.  Furthermore, more often than not, it is not true.

Now, I will concede that there are some things that truly can’t be done.  For example, I have always thought that it would be marvelous to be a commercial airline pilot.  When I could see better than I currently do, I loved flying.  There is nothing like taking off on a heavily overcast day and emerging above the clouds to see the sun reflecting off of a puffy field of white as far as the eye can see.  Imagine being paid to do that daily.

Well, in my case, my vision began declining from the age of nine.  I have never even been able to drive a car.  Furthermore, I am 75 years old and well above the age of mandatory retirement for commercial pilots.  So, I really can’t sit in the cockpit of a jumbo jet and fly it around the world.  That is very disappointing but completely understandable.

However, we often say that we can’t do something when what we really mean is that it is very difficult, and we are unwilling or currently unable  to put forth the effort to succeed.  Can’t is a license we issue to ourselves to stop trying.  “I can’t stop smoking,” “I can’t lose weight,” “I can’t control my kids,” “I can’t do math,” “I can’t control my temper,” and so on, are the white flags we wave as we surrender to life’s greatest challenges.

Are the only things in life that are worth doing or having those that come easy?  What if we merely said to ourselves, “Yes, this is extremely hard, but it will be worth the effort or sacrifice when I reach the goal.”  What sports team would ever have a winning season if they only expected to win the games they played against weaker teams?  Who would ever master a difficult and complicated skill if they judged their potential ability by their skill level at the beginning of the task? 

The first step in overcoming “can’t” is taking the time to clearly identify the steps that would be necessary to prevail.  Then, we need to honestly ask ourselves if we are willing  to pay the price.  Years ago, I worked at a Community College and would tell students that the next four years are going to go by no matter what they did.  At the end of that time, they could either say, “I am so glad I made the sacrifice” and have the degree or “I wish I had made the sacrifice” and have no more than they did at the time they were first considering their future.

Typically, I do not procrastinate.  However, I am aware that when I am about to begin a project that may exceed my ability, I tend to drag my feet.  I often find that once I get started and just take it one step at a time, the process is easier than I anticipated and the  outcome is at least acceptable.  (In my mind I often attach an * to my efforts.  It represents, “Not bad for a blind guy.”).

There are times when “can’t” is a legitimate assessment of the situation.  Nevertheless, we must be honest with ourselves when we have merely determined that success requires more than we are willing to invest.  The former will never be overcome.  The latter can be revisited at any time, reconsidered and achieved.  So, use “can’t” sparingly and truthfully.

If you would like to read some inspiring stories of overcoming, I would suggest The Small and The Mighty: Twelve Unsung Americans Who Changed the Course of History, from the Founding to the Civil Rights Movement, by Sharon McMahon. 

Who Touched My Chair?

We tend to be extremely possessive of our belongings.  Recently, an incident was shared with me regarding a rather heated exchange between an older sister, age 13, and her younger brother, age 11.  They were visiting relatives and out on an excursion.  He had brought his ball cap on the trip but had chosen not to wear it that day.  Seeing that he was not using it, his sister chose to wear it.  The argument revolved around his right not to use his possession but retain his right to determine whether or not someone else could use it without his permission.  Inasmuch as it was not being worn, his sister felt justified in wearing it and felt his objection was unjustified.

Based on this latter presumption, most of us should expect a horde of our neighbors to rummage through our homes and help themselves to about 20 percent of our possessions.  Inasmuch as these unused items occupy a large portion of  our dwellings, this sort of invasion  might be a blessing.  Instead, we could just take advantage of local thrift stores.  When we finally acknowledge that we probably will never use certain items again, these stores are an ideal way to support worthy causes and offer others an opportunity to use our unwanted treasures.

In less developed cultures, people have far fewer personal items than we do in our nation.  Our hunter-gatherer ancestors had many items in common and most of their weapons, tools and dwellings were fashioned by themselves or other members of their small community.  Many groups were nomadic and could not afford to carry excess items as they migrated from one place to another.  Their few personal possessions were primarily functional and essential to their survival.

With very few exceptions, we generally don’t have any idea who has made those things we possess.  This is unfortunate because innumerable people have been engaged in making our lives safe and comfortable.  Although we live as individuals, we are infinitely interconnected with and interdependent on others around the world.  Perhaps we should occasionally take time to reflect on their contribution to our lives.

Let’s consider a simple kitchen chair.  Who initially designed it?  Who harvested the wood that was used?  Who fashioned the various components, the legs, seat and back?  Who produced the stain, varnish, and glue to hold it together and enhance its appearance?  Who purchased it for sale in the store where it was bought?  Who built the tools that were used, the buildings in which the chair was manufactured, warehoused or sold. Who produced the various vehicles that transported it throughout the process? How did it get to your home?  

The inquiries are endless and reveal the vast number of people who have had a hand in making it possible for that chair to be used by its final owner.  Too often we casually dispose of our belongings with no thought of all that went into their construction.  Choosing to re-home unwanted or unused items is one way to honor those who have contributed to their development and distribution.  

We have only considered one item.  It would be overwhelming to go through this process with every object in our surroundings on a regular basis.  However, occasionally doing so as we wander through our home, get in our car or pick up our phone might help us expand our awareness of our greater human family.  

Have you ever considered how many lives you have touched throughout the vast matrix of our planet by the work you do?  Those of us who work in a service industry are not producing permanent objects, but our efforts can still have a ripple effect.  As a massage therapist, I promote my clients’ wellbeing.  Hopefully, they, in turn, influence others in a positive way at least partially due to my efforts.  This is equally true with those who work in medicine, restaurants, education, hospitality, entertainment, and so on.   

It has been said that one thing we can do to enhance our mental health is develop an attitude of gratitude.  Being thankful for the multitudes who have made our lives better through the numerous objects that surround us is one way to do that.  Hopefully, others will send a little gratitude our way as well.

 

Philosophy Ain't So Bad

For decades I have had a visceral dislike for philosophy.  It seemed to me that the only value of a philosophy degree was to teach philosophy, and for the most part that may still be true.  It all just seemed like a pretentious effort to engage in esoteric self aggrandizement. 

I found Descartes’ famous quote, “I think. Therefore I am,” amusing.  My response was these philosophers just needed a real job.  Then they could say, “I have calluses.  Therefore I am.”  It just seemed like the whole discipline  offers nothing to the average person to enhance their ability to live more fulfilling lives. Therefore, I simply rejected philosophy as unworthy of any further consideration.

Over the years, I have learned that the original meaning of the word philosophy simply meant a lover of wisdom.  Of course, we are then left with the challenge of defining wisdom.  To me, it is the ability to apply knowledge, experience and good judgment to new situations in a way that optimizes the outcome.  Now, that is something I can fully embrace.  So I must confess that I am apparently a philosopher, one who truly loves wisdom.

As early philosophers sought to gain knowledge and define wisdom, they developed specific perceptions and axioms that they taught to their followers.  Consequently, the word philosophy eventually meant more than merely a love of wisdom.  It represented particular ways of thinking and conceptualizing reality.  Using this latter definition, we can reasonably say that everyone has a philosophy of  life.  Some are more defined than others, but we all have a basic guideline for living.

Is it essential for us to know what our philosophy is?  If I am thoroughly  content to allow life to direct my path, then probably not. Otherwise, I may want to be aware of my priorities, motivators and attitudes that contribute to my decisions and emotional responses to stressors.  Mindful living can make all of the difference in the world.

Of course, nobody ever said that philosophies had to be hopeful, creative or positive.  Some philosophies I have encountered over the years include: “If it feels good, do it”; “Do unto others before they do unto you”; and one from Timothy Leary (a psychologist  and social influencer of the counter culture during the 1960s who promoted the use of LSD and social disconnect) “Turn on, tune in and drop out.”  These may not be particularly uplifting, but they are certainly clear and concise. 

In my early twenties, I encountered a Pentecostal church and became thoroughly emerged in a narrow Christian philosophy.  Over the next twenty years, I began reading much more than the Bible and eventually concluded that the core principles of love, mercy, gratitude, forgiveness and reverence of the eternal are universal human aspirations that are evident in most of the major religions and philosophies of the world.  Now I find the Tao Te Ching extremely inspiring and embrace traditional Stoic philosophy.

I suppose that academic philosophy has some value if it can encourage college students to be more introspective and clear about their individual outlooks on life.  However, I wonder how applicable the old Buddhist saying is, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”  It is certainly possible to present philosophical precepts and theories, but a love of wisdom must truly come from within. 

I was deeply impressed with the potential influence of philosophy teachers when I recently read  Teacher: The One Who Made The Difference by Mark Edmundson.  In a class of high school students in Massachusetts, he inspired members of the class to actually think about what they believed, using a variety of creative methods.  This was not an exploration of philosophic theory and history.  It was an examination of their society and individual selves.  Socrates would have been proud. 

Whose Kid Are You?

I came across an interesting quote recently from Seneca, “We like to say that we don’t get to choose our parents, but they were given by chance.  Yet, we can truly choose whose children we’d like to be.” Initially, this seems like a complete rejection of our parents, and for some that may be a necessary step towards healing if it was a particularly toxic relationship.  However, I think that for the majority of us, it is possible to fully honor our parents and yet embrace additional sources of mentorship.

Most parents are capable of providing their children with basic personal and social skills in order to live reasonably normal lives; however, we are only able to guide others to the same level we have achieved.  I think most responsible parents would acknowledge their limitations and the hope that their children would be able to exceed them financially and, more importantly, in attaining a greater sense of wellbeing.  This will mean that our offspring will need to seek additional guidance with wholehearted parental support.

Humans have been blessed with symbolic consciousness.  It is what has enabled us to develop language and written communication. Other animals can teach one another  when they are both present.  However, human communication methods allow thoughts, images and sounds to be transmitted over distances and time.  Even musical composers from hundreds of years ago were able to preserve their inspirations in ways that allow them to be played by musicians in our current age.

The greatest barrier to our intellectual, emotional, psychological and/or spiritual growth is the belief that we have already learned everything we need to know.  This lack of humility and curiosity can prevent us from reaching our highest level of existence.  Greater joy, sense of accomplishment, total contentment or professional development may lie within the pages of that book we didn’t read, the documentary we didn’t watch, the weekend retreat we didn’t attend or the comments of a friend we didn’t really listen to.

The problem is that we can never know what we don’t know.  It has been said that ignorance is bliss. There may be some truth to that, but willing ignorance is often a choice to live below our full potential.

If we are completely content with our lives, then there is nothing to do but continue on our current path.  If, however, we have a sense that there is always something new lying just beyond the horizon, we will need to develop an openness to new ideas and concepts.  There is no way to predict the source of our next awakening, but it is essential to maintain a willingness to have our beliefs, knowledge, values and more, challenged. 

As we encounter new ideas, it does not automatically mean that changes must occur.  It does mean that we will develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and, hopefully, a greater confidence in who we are becoming.  When we discover mentors, whether alive or long deceased, it would be prudent to proceed cautiously as we consider incorporating their guidance into our journey.

Below are a few books that I have personally found beneficial because they present a wide range of thoughts to consider.

“A Calendar of Wisdom: Daily Thoughts to Nourish the Soul, Written and Selected from the World's Sacred Texts by Leo Tolstoy”

“Breakfast with Seneca: A Stoic Guide to the Art of Living” by David Fiddler

“Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents” by Isabel Wilkerson

“How to Think Like Socrates: Ancient Philosophy as a Way of Life in the Modern World” by Donald J. Robertson

“Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius

“The Daily Stoic | Stoic Wisdom for Everyday Life” by Ryan Holiday

“As A Man Thinketh” by James Allen

 

How Good Are You?

If someone asked me, “How good are you?”  I would probably want to know what area of my life they are referring to.  I am an amateur musician who can play   and sing well enough to entertain friends and family, but I seriously doubt that anyone would pay money for a performance.  I can do some small rough household projects but work in slow motion and do fairly well.  I am a massage therapist and have had numerous satisfied clients over the years. So, I think I’m pretty good at that.  

I enjoy writing but have never had anything published.  This blog is a pretty good indication of how anemic my following is.  I suppose this means that I’m not a particularly compelling writer.

The focus of this post, however,  is something altogether different from our personal skills and abilities.  Beginning thousands of years ago, Greek and Roman philosophy centered around individuals developing their personal virtue.  While the virtues of a horse might be strength, endurance, speed, intelligence or agility.  The emphasis of these early philosophers was on what characteristics needed to be developed in order to be a valuable member of society.  

Stoicism narrowed the list of qualities primarily to four, wisdom, courage, self discipline and justice.  Apparently they debated endlessly about what constituted a ‘good man’.  Marcus Aurelius expressed his exasperation over this when he wrote, “Stop talking about what the good man is like and just be one.”

Virtue is not a term we hear much in our current society which is terribly unfortunate. There are innumerable self help books on the market, but the majority deal with relationships, depression, self esteem, getting rich and other ways to change our emotions or circumstances but not our inner character.  I suppose that this is just one more example of how egocentric we have become.  

The concept of virtue was not limited to the Greeks and Romans.  Proverbs 31:10-31 highlight the qualities of the ‘virtuous woman’.  She is diligent, industrious, kind, wise and devoted to her husband, family, community and God. The teachings of Jesus felt with love, mercy, forgiveness, humility and kindness.  The apostle Paul addressed our inner virtues when he listed the fruit of the spirit, “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

The radicalism of many contemporary elements of Islam overshadow the original teachings of the Quran.  There are numerous admonitions to live peacefully with “the people of the book” which refers to Jews and Christians.  In addition, givings alms to the poor is a key tenet of the Islamic faith.    I have personally experienced the kindness and hospitality of the Muslim community in Dunedin Florida.

The eastern philosophies of hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism all promote the cultivation of the inner life.  They are committed to loving kindness and community harmony.  Some of the most gentle people I have encountered have come from India.

The main reason I am a member of an unprogrammed Quaker meeting is because we do not promote a specific theological doctrine.  Instead, each person seeks their own understanding of the eternal.  What we hold in common is an ongoing effort to manifest our testimonies, Quaker values.  In their simplest form they are simplicity, peace, integrity, community and equality.  These are virtues I can fully embrace.

In light of the harsh rancor that has permeated our nation and fills the internet and airways, perhaps it is time to revisit the idea of nurturing our inner virtues. It would be so refreshing if we could start talking about what the good woman/man is like and begin striving to become one.