Step By Step

Perhaps I am a little old fashioned, but I don’t think anything can compare with the beauty and charm of a brick home.  Its durability and low maintenance are additional attributes that make it very appealing.  For me, it also stands as a testimony to what an accumulation of small  steps can accomplish.

Years ago I worked as a laborer for block layers.  We were building 3-story condos on the bank of a creek in Annapolis Maryland.  I have no idea how many blocks I handled during that project, but the principle is the same as a brick facade on a home.  You can’t really think about the massive amount of work involved.  You just put each item in place one at a time, and eventually the job is done.

So much of life is this way.  We complete a formal education  one class at a time.  Savings accounts are built up a few dollars at a time deposited on a regular basis.  Long careers are achieved one day at a time.  We raise healthy and well balanced children by providing them with consistent love, guidance and nurturing day by day.

It would be nice if all of the things we want in life could be obtained quickly.  Unfortunately, it often requires unexciting regular diligence over long periods in order to accomplish meaningful goals.  We tend to marvel at outstanding athletic performances or the skills demonstrated by entertainers.What we fail to consider are the endless unobserved hours of practice  required to reach that level of excellence.

The sun is fueled by innumerable tons of hydrogen atoms.  Our bodies are comprised of trillions of cells working in harmony to form a single organism.  Individually none of these contributory elements  are particularly significant, but together they produce amazing results. 

Our challenge is to learn to appreciate the value of each installment we make in our future. Our daily exercise may not be particularly exciting, but living a long active and productive life will certainly make the effort worthwhile.  Sure, staying in bed and sleeping or lying on the sofa watching TV might be more enjoyable in the short-term, but we can’t go back in time and redo our lives when we find ourselves incapacitated by poor health. 

Making healthy choices is only one example of this principle.  We need to take time to envision the future we wish to have in the next one, five, ten or twenty years.  Then it is essential to determine what little consistent steps need to be taken in order to manifest that goal.  Above all, we cannot afford to wait until we ‘get around to it’.  We must pick a day, start  doing it and stick with it until we are successful.  As stated in the Tao Te Ching, “The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath your feet.”  So, start walking.  

Where Did The Time Go?

One of the most memorable  times I really was struck by how fast life was moving along was in the fall of 1989.  My oldest son was getting ready to start high school.  Even though I had graduated from high school 21 years before, it seemed like it had just happened a few years previously.  It was only a momentary awareness, but it definitely drew my attention to the passage of time..

The 1st century Stoic philosopher, politician and playwright, Seneca, addressed this issue in an essay known as On the Shortness of Life.  One of his most famous quotes comes from this essay, “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.”  He thoroughly expounds on the point that we tend to pay a great deal of attention to how we spend our money and protect our belongings but regularly waste our most valuable possession, time. 

In our current age I suspect that the greatest consumers of our time are our electronic devices.  If we were brave enough to track our screen time, we would probably be shocked by the amount of time that we spend staring at our displays while important daily activities are neglected. How often do we claim that we didn’t have time to accomplish everything on our agenda when the truth is that we were endlessly distracted by a series of news items, social media posts or prolonged texting with family or friends.

How often do  we allow others to squander our time.  I generally try to be kind and courteous towards others.  However, I have reached my limit with telemarketers. Now, when they ask, “How are you today?”, I simply ask who they are and what do they want.  I’m getting older and don’t know how much longer I’ll be around.  So I choose not to waste time explaining why I am not interested in whatever it is they are selling.

I have been accused of being a workaholic, and there may be some truth to that.  Mostly, I have always felt a need to be productive.  That is not to say that I don’t relax occasionally, but I typically try to accomplish those things that are needful on a daily basis.

Years ago I came across a little book in a Christian book store.  By its title I suspect that it was purchased for sale because it was assumed it dealt with salvation issues.  However,If You Don’t Know Where You are going You will Probably Wind Up Somewhere Else provided career planning advice for young people.  The title, nevertheless, offers sound advice for every aspect of our lives.  We need to take time to clearly identify what we would like to achieve and spend our time effectively pursuing those goals.

I genuinely feel sorry for the millions of people who will reach the end of their lives knowing that things could have been so much better if they had simply been focussed and not squandered their time in frivolous activities. Seneca seemed to have this in mind when he wrote, “So you must not think that a man has lived long because he has white hair and wrinkles.  He has not lived long, just existed long..  For what if you should think that that man had had a long voyage who had been caught by a fierce storm as soon as he left harbor, and, swept hither and thither by a succession of winds that raged from different quarters, had been driven in a circle around the same course? Not much voyaging did he have, but much tossing about.”  

If we were to go on a long roadtrip, we would begin with a full tank of gas in the car.  Initially, there would be little thought about how much fuel was being consumed because there was plenty in the tank.  Side trips would be no concern until we reached a point where we realized the gage was nearing empty, and there was no gas station available to refill.  Then, our destination would become a major concern. 

Perhaps we should consider the fact that none of us has any guarantee of long life.  A helpful habit would be nightly reflections on what we have accomplished that day.  It would not be healthy for us to obsess over living productively, but regular circumspection certainly would be beneficial.

When I was about 30 years old, I wrote a son~~g entitled Leaf On A River.  Clearly I was already reflecting on how easily time can slip by without our conscious awareness.  The 3rd verse and chorus are as follows:

3

Life is like a leaf on a river.

Seems like it will go on forever.

But, look away for a moment and it’s gone.

Past the rocks and around the bend.

Never to be lived again.

Into the sea forever, 

Your life is gone.

Chorus:

And that sea keeps on growing

As our lives keep on flowing bye and bye,

And all the while inside we’re knowing

That it won’t be long till we are out of time.

A final word from Seneca,

“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing..”

 

Mutual Bliss

I find much of human behavior completely baffling.  It ranges from unimaginable cruelty to totally selfless altruism.  To me, the absolute indifference of perpetrators and/or observers to the pain and suffering experienced in the Roman colosseums, Nazi death camps, widespread lynchings of blacks attended by thousands of spectators in a festival atmosphere (yes, right here in the good ol’ USA), the systematic torture and execution of political prisoners under the Assad regime in Syria or the genocide previously taking place in Gaza, is completely incomprehensible.  

In total contrast to the carnage, we could enumerate the vast number of historical examples of self sacrifice by individuals seeking to pursue peace and bring comfort to those who are suffering.  However, we need not look any further than the vast number of NGO’s and individuals currently working tirelessly around the world to aid those in need.  World Central Kitchen and Doctors Without Borders are just two examples of organizations comprised of individuals who are willing to place themselves in the midst of danger in order to help their fellow human beings.

Of course, we could consider the current domination of mega global corporations that are heartlessly exploiting the disempowered in a mad obsession with accumulating wealth and power.  Food, housing, healthcare, pharmaceuticals, elder care, and other essentials are being monopolized in an effort to extract maximum revenues while providing marginally adequate services and goods.  If someone could discover how to control the availability of air, there is no doubt that  we would have to labor endlessly just to be allowed to breathe.

Not since the latter half of the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries has our government been so openly controlled by the wealthy.  Consequently, the tax structure and pertinent legislation heavily favor businesses while ignoring the impact on the general population. This is certainly nothing new.  A casual reflection on history reveals the timeless obsession with wealth accumulated by the heartless expenditure of human suffering and drudgery.

The occasional glimpses of egalitarian cooperation and harmony are both refreshing and far too rare.  In its simplest form, the answer seems to be whether or not we have a sense of connection with one another.  If we view others as an extension of ourselves, we are inclined to pursue interactions that are mutually beneficial.  The question is simply what is more important, people or things?

The other night I woke up with the following almost completely formed in my heart:

Mutual Bliss

I come 

Not to conquer or control

But to be 

One with you

Wholly present 

In the bonds of mutuality

Join me here

And we, together with others,

Will enter that bliss

That eludes those who walk alone 

Look At Me!

For years, I have claimed I was going to write a book entitled You Notice Me; Therefore I Am.  I suppose the idea could be stretched into a small book if  I wanted to chronicle examples in minute detail.  However, at this point in time, a blog post seems adequate.

I am continually amazed at the things people do in order to be noticed.  It appears that they are seeking attention in order to affirm their existence.  Those actions range from the mundane to the absurd.

Where did this tendency come from?  It appears to be an evolutionary phenomenon.  Many male birds display elaborate plumage or intricate rituals in order to attract a mate.  If you want a great source of entertainment, Google the mating dance of the sandhill crane.  Some bird species are not as artistic and simply build elaborate nests to lure a potential companion to them.

The males of many  species find ways to demonstrate their physical prowess.  The videos are innumerable depicting animals engaged in mortal combat with the intent to establish their right to reproduce.  Although violent, it assures the genetic survival of the fittest combatants.

We humans are not much different.  The aftermath of warfare has often included the widespread rape of unfortunate females in the immediate area no matter the age.  Think of medieval jousts.  Is there any doubt about the underlying sexual implications associated with the events? The women were attired in ways to attract the attention of the participants, and the men were competing in order to demonstrate their worthiness for generating offspring.  Today, this pageant is repeated annually on high school and collegian gridirons all over our nation every fall.

 

Humans are far more complicated than animals, so our desire for attention is not always sexual.  I once heard of a guy who shopped around until he could find a surgeon who was willing to implant threaded sockets into his skull.  Why would someone do this?  Apparently he had an assortment of horns, alien antennas and other weird protrusions that he wanted to be able to screw into his head. It was certainly a unique idea, but I can’t imagine any motivation to do so other than a desire to have people marvel. At how unusual he was.

Isn’t this the underlying reason for much that we do?  We work hard to earn money to pay for things that others will admire.  Our homes, cars, clothing, jewelry, shoes, tattoos, body piercings,  fancy fingernails and so much more are often selected with a thought to how others will react to our possessions and/or appearance.  We tend to be careful not to combine clashing colors or patterns for fear that we will be ridiculed and hope that our choices will generate the occasional ooo or ahhhh.

Gossip has played an important role in human development.  In hunter-gatherer groups it helped to identify thieves, the lazy, liars and those who were undependable.  It still plays a role in communicating pertinent information.  However, for some, it serves as a means of seeming important.  They can’t wait to obtain the latest bit of juicy gossip to share with everyone they know.  

How many of our actions are motivated by a desire to draw the attention of others?  We exaggerate or  boast about our abilities and/or accomplishments, engage in sexually provocative behaviors or participate in life threatening antics all with an eye towards a potential audience. With the advent of the internet, our attention-seeking efforts seem endless  because they can now be displayed before  the entire world.

With this awareness, I regularly question my motivation for things that I do and say.  I am at an age when I really don’t buy much.  So, I typically catch myself saying things in an effort to trigger a response.  I have been blessed with good genes and am fairly healthy and look  younger than my age.  When I tell people that I am 75 years old, sometimes I do so to merely convey information, but more often it is to hear them express unbelief at how good I look for my age.  I hate to admit it, but it is true.

 There is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying the admiration and attention of others.  However, it becomes a problem when it negatively impacts our lives or those around us..  Are we spending our money unwisely?  Do we impose ourselves on others or become resentful if we are not the center of attention?  Do we ridicule or slander others in order to make ourselves seem more important?  We simply need to be mindful of our behavior and avoid becoming toxic in our effort to be noticed.

I think the secret is working on our personal confidence.   The challenge is finding those activities that promote self affirmation.  This may include improving our physical wellbeing through exercise and diet.  We may need to spend time in prayer, meditation, reading inspirational material or listening to tranquil uplifting music.  If needed, we may find it helpful to seek professional mental health services.  In short, if we are ‘comfortable in our own skin’, then there is little need for the admiration of others. 

What Are You Thinking?

I suspect that it would be almost impossible to count all of the books that have been written about philosophy, self improvement, religion or success in life.  People have a deep desire to know the secret of reaching their highest potential financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially and every other aspect of their lives.  Undoubtedly, billions of dollars are spent annually in search of the holy grail.  

Well, breathe easy.  You can get the answer for less than $10.00.  It is a small book published in 1903 by James Allen entitled As a Man Thinketh.  The title is a reference to Proverbs 23:7, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

Normally I don’t include extensive quotes; however, in this post I don’t think I can add much to what Allen presents.  So, here is the essence of life.

“Man is made or unmade by himself.  In the armory of thought he forges the weapon by which he destroys himself.  He also fashions the tools with which he builds himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace.  By the right choice of and true application of thought, man ascends to the divine perfection.  By the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast.  Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master.”

“A man’s mind may be likened to a garden which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild.  But, whether cultivated or neglected, it will bring forth.  If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of weed seeds will fall  therein and will continue to produce their kind.  Just as a gardener cultivates his plot keeping it free from weeds and growing flowers and fruits he requires, so may a man attend the garden of his mind, weeding out all  the wrong, useless and impure thoughts  and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful and pure thoughts.  By pursuing this process, a man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life.  He also reveals within himself the laws of thought and understands with ever increasing accuracy how the  thought forces and mind elements operate in the shaping of his character, circumstances and destiny.”

Once again, we encounter the truth of that fundamental Socratic admonition, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”  What we read, watch, listen to, discuss or think about all contribute to the direction and quality of  our lifelong journey. In Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, author Daniel Amen, a research psychologist, expands on this principle and offers strategies for directing our internal dialogue.  What awaits us is the life-altering realization that we hold the key to much of our future in our ability to mindfully choose how we think and what we think about.

 

  

Never Forget Greenwood

In the early 20th century, the Greenwood freedom district in the suburbs of Tulsa, Oklahoma, was developed into a prosperous area consisting of black professionals, businessmen, community leaders, and educators.  The population was about 10,000 and was so financially vibrant that it was referred to as America’s Black Wall Street.

Until the night of May 31st, 1921, it could have served as a national model for black social advancement, cultural development, and self-reliance.  Instead, that evening a white mob, many of whom had been deputized by the police, invaded the neighborhoods looting and burning the buildings and murdering the residents. They even used airplanes to drop dynamite and incendiary bombs.  By the morning, the residents were either dead or driven away and 35 square blocks of the community were completely destroyed, including houses, businesses, churches, hotels, newspaper offices,  a hospital, public library, and much more. 

The injustice was unconscionable.  It is believed that as many as 300 people were killed, over 1,000 injured and an additional 10,000 were left homeless.  Survivors who were unable to escape were arrested and herded into internment camps.  Bodies were callously thrown into rivers and unmarked or mass graves.  Despite the magnitude of this race massacre, no white perpetrator was ever prosecuted.

The primary motivation for this atrocity is generally attributed to white supremacists’ unwillingness to witness African Americans thriving.  For decades, officials in Tulsa denied that this incident ever occurred.  It took seventy years for the city to acknowledge that a previous administration had engaged in  government-sponsored genocide. 

As deeply troubling as this incident is, the fact that current government leaders want to obstruct the teaching of racial atrocities committed in the United States is deeply disturbing.  It has been said that those who forget history are condemned to repeat it.  With the upsurge of white supremacy  in our current society, we are once again witnessing a renewed suppression of minorities.  We can only hope that we will  never see another Greenwood type devastation in our nation again, but true racial equality remains an elusive aspiration for all who genuinely cherish justice.

This has been one of the hardest posts to write.  I generally try to stay away from political commentary, but this story is so compelling that I have found it impossible to ignore.  I would encourage anyone who is willing to expand their knowledge of racial relations to research this further. I can recommend Don’t Let Them Bury My Story written by Viola Fletcher, the oldest living survivor of the Greenwood race massacre.  Also, Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents, by Isabel Wilkerson, details this incident and provides an extensive chronicle of the systematic suppression of African Americans in our nation.

  

Can't Is A 4-letter Word

As I began to compose this post, I wondered if younger readers would be familiar  with this expression.  So, I conducted a brief survey among a few young coworkers, and, as I suspected, they had never heard the term ‘four letter words’.  In our current society with the ubiquitous prevalence of the F-bomb, I was not surprised.

For those who may not know what I am referring to, I will explain. Years ago, it was not socially acceptable for people to use profanity in public.  Men were encouraged to be gentlemen and refrain from cussing in the presence of women.  The prohibited words were collectively referred to as 4-letter words because most of them are in fact four letters in length.  I realize that this propriety may seem quaint and outdated, but there was a time in our nation when people were respectful of the sensibilities of others.  It wasn’t considered being politically correct.  It was simply known as common courtesy.

So, I would like to add “can’t” to that list of words that should not be spoken.  Why?  Because that little word prevents us from reaching our highest potential.  Furthermore, more often than not, it is not true.

Now, I will concede that there are some things that truly can’t be done.  For example, I have always thought that it would be marvelous to be a commercial airline pilot.  When I could see better than I currently do, I loved flying.  There is nothing like taking off on a heavily overcast day and emerging above the clouds to see the sun reflecting off of a puffy field of white as far as the eye can see.  Imagine being paid to do that daily.

Well, in my case, my vision began declining from the age of nine.  I have never even been able to drive a car.  Furthermore, I am 75 years old and well above the age of mandatory retirement for commercial pilots.  So, I really can’t sit in the cockpit of a jumbo jet and fly it around the world.  That is very disappointing but completely understandable.

However, we often say that we can’t do something when what we really mean is that it is very difficult, and we are unwilling or currently unable  to put forth the effort to succeed.  Can’t is a license we issue to ourselves to stop trying.  “I can’t stop smoking,” “I can’t lose weight,” “I can’t control my kids,” “I can’t do math,” “I can’t control my temper,” and so on, are the white flags we wave as we surrender to life’s greatest challenges.

Are the only things in life that are worth doing or having those that come easy?  What if we merely said to ourselves, “Yes, this is extremely hard, but it will be worth the effort or sacrifice when I reach the goal.”  What sports team would ever have a winning season if they only expected to win the games they played against weaker teams?  Who would ever master a difficult and complicated skill if they judged their potential ability by their skill level at the beginning of the task? 

The first step in overcoming “can’t” is taking the time to clearly identify the steps that would be necessary to prevail.  Then, we need to honestly ask ourselves if we are willing  to pay the price.  Years ago, I worked at a Community College and would tell students that the next four years are going to go by no matter what they did.  At the end of that time, they could either say, “I am so glad I made the sacrifice” and have the degree or “I wish I had made the sacrifice” and have no more than they did at the time they were first considering their future.

Typically, I do not procrastinate.  However, I am aware that when I am about to begin a project that may exceed my ability, I tend to drag my feet.  I often find that once I get started and just take it one step at a time, the process is easier than I anticipated and the  outcome is at least acceptable.  (In my mind I often attach an * to my efforts.  It represents, “Not bad for a blind guy.”).

There are times when “can’t” is a legitimate assessment of the situation.  Nevertheless, we must be honest with ourselves when we have merely determined that success requires more than we are willing to invest.  The former will never be overcome.  The latter can be revisited at any time, reconsidered and achieved.  So, use “can’t” sparingly and truthfully.

If you would like to read some inspiring stories of overcoming, I would suggest The Small and The Mighty: Twelve Unsung Americans Who Changed the Course of History, from the Founding to the Civil Rights Movement, by Sharon McMahon. 

Who Touched My Chair?

We tend to be extremely possessive of our belongings.  Recently, an incident was shared with me regarding a rather heated exchange between an older sister, age 13, and her younger brother, age 11.  They were visiting relatives and out on an excursion.  He had brought his ball cap on the trip but had chosen not to wear it that day.  Seeing that he was not using it, his sister chose to wear it.  The argument revolved around his right not to use his possession but retain his right to determine whether or not someone else could use it without his permission.  Inasmuch as it was not being worn, his sister felt justified in wearing it and felt his objection was unjustified.

Based on this latter presumption, most of us should expect a horde of our neighbors to rummage through our homes and help themselves to about 20 percent of our possessions.  Inasmuch as these unused items occupy a large portion of  our dwellings, this sort of invasion  might be a blessing.  Instead, we could just take advantage of local thrift stores.  When we finally acknowledge that we probably will never use certain items again, these stores are an ideal way to support worthy causes and offer others an opportunity to use our unwanted treasures.

In less developed cultures, people have far fewer personal items than we do in our nation.  Our hunter-gatherer ancestors had many items in common and most of their weapons, tools and dwellings were fashioned by themselves or other members of their small community.  Many groups were nomadic and could not afford to carry excess items as they migrated from one place to another.  Their few personal possessions were primarily functional and essential to their survival.

With very few exceptions, we generally don’t have any idea who has made those things we possess.  This is unfortunate because innumerable people have been engaged in making our lives safe and comfortable.  Although we live as individuals, we are infinitely interconnected with and interdependent on others around the world.  Perhaps we should occasionally take time to reflect on their contribution to our lives.

Let’s consider a simple kitchen chair.  Who initially designed it?  Who harvested the wood that was used?  Who fashioned the various components, the legs, seat and back?  Who produced the stain, varnish, and glue to hold it together and enhance its appearance?  Who purchased it for sale in the store where it was bought?  Who built the tools that were used, the buildings in which the chair was manufactured, warehoused or sold. Who produced the various vehicles that transported it throughout the process? How did it get to your home?  

The inquiries are endless and reveal the vast number of people who have had a hand in making it possible for that chair to be used by its final owner.  Too often we casually dispose of our belongings with no thought of all that went into their construction.  Choosing to re-home unwanted or unused items is one way to honor those who have contributed to their development and distribution.  

We have only considered one item.  It would be overwhelming to go through this process with every object in our surroundings on a regular basis.  However, occasionally doing so as we wander through our home, get in our car or pick up our phone might help us expand our awareness of our greater human family.  

Have you ever considered how many lives you have touched throughout the vast matrix of our planet by the work you do?  Those of us who work in a service industry are not producing permanent objects, but our efforts can still have a ripple effect.  As a massage therapist, I promote my clients’ wellbeing.  Hopefully, they, in turn, influence others in a positive way at least partially due to my efforts.  This is equally true with those who work in medicine, restaurants, education, hospitality, entertainment, and so on.   

It has been said that one thing we can do to enhance our mental health is develop an attitude of gratitude.  Being thankful for the multitudes who have made our lives better through the numerous objects that surround us is one way to do that.  Hopefully, others will send a little gratitude our way as well.