As I began to compose this post, I wondered if younger readers would be familiar with this expression. So, I conducted a brief survey among a few young coworkers, and, as I suspected, they had never heard the term ‘four letter words’. In our current society with the ubiquitous prevalence of the F-bomb, I was not surprised.
For those who may not know what I am referring to, I will explain. Years ago, it was not socially acceptable for people to use profanity in public. Men were encouraged to be gentlemen and refrain from cussing in the presence of women. The prohibited words were collectively referred to as 4-letter words because most of them are in fact four letters in length. I realize that this propriety may seem quaint and outdated, but there was a time in our nation when people were respectful of the sensibilities of others. It wasn’t considered being politically correct. It was simply known as common courtesy.
So, I would like to add “can’t” to that list of words that should not be spoken. Why? Because that little word prevents us from reaching our highest potential. Furthermore, more often than not, it is not true.
Now, I will concede that there are some things that truly can’t be done. For example, I have always thought that it would be marvelous to be a commercial airline pilot. When I could see better than I currently do, I loved flying. There is nothing like taking off on a heavily overcast day and emerging above the clouds to see the sun reflecting off of a puffy field of white as far as the eye can see. Imagine being paid to do that daily.
Well, in my case, my vision began declining from the age of nine. I have never even been able to drive a car. Furthermore, I am 75 years old and well above the age of mandatory retirement for commercial pilots. So, I really can’t sit in the cockpit of a jumbo jet and fly it around the world. That is very disappointing but completely understandable.
However, we often say that we can’t do something when what we really mean is that it is very difficult, and we are unwilling or currently unable to put forth the effort to succeed. Can’t is a license we issue to ourselves to stop trying. “I can’t stop smoking,” “I can’t lose weight,” “I can’t control my kids,” “I can’t do math,” “I can’t control my temper,” and so on, are the white flags we wave as we surrender to life’s greatest challenges.
Are the only things in life that are worth doing or having those that come easy? What if we merely said to ourselves, “Yes, this is extremely hard, but it will be worth the effort or sacrifice when I reach the goal.” What sports team would ever have a winning season if they only expected to win the games they played against weaker teams? Who would ever master a difficult and complicated skill if they judged their potential ability by their skill level at the beginning of the task?
The first step in overcoming “can’t” is taking the time to clearly identify the steps that would be necessary to prevail. Then, we need to honestly ask ourselves if we are willing to pay the price. Years ago, I worked at a Community College and would tell students that the next four years are going to go by no matter what they did. At the end of that time, they could either say, “I am so glad I made the sacrifice” and have the degree or “I wish I had made the sacrifice” and have no more than they did at the time they were first considering their future.
Typically, I do not procrastinate. However, I am aware that when I am about to begin a project that may exceed my ability, I tend to drag my feet. I often find that once I get started and just take it one step at a time, the process is easier than I anticipated and the outcome is at least acceptable. (In my mind I often attach an * to my efforts. It represents, “Not bad for a blind guy.”).
There are times when “can’t” is a legitimate assessment of the situation. Nevertheless, we must be honest with ourselves when we have merely determined that success requires more than we are willing to invest. The former will never be overcome. The latter can be revisited at any time, reconsidered and achieved. So, use “can’t” sparingly and truthfully.
If you would like to read some inspiring stories of overcoming, I would suggest The Small and The Mighty: Twelve Unsung Americans Who Changed the Course of History, from the Founding to the Civil Rights Movement, by Sharon McMahon.
